We Don't Use Napalm Anymore, We Use New.....

It's been over thirty years since the use of Napalm was debated on the televison news. During the last week, the subject of Napalm resurfaced but was presented as packaged by the Bush Administration, without debate, on CNN, MSNBC, and CBS. This recent mention of Napalm reminded me of the television ad campaigns that aired back in the late 50's and early 60's.

A vintage commercial is playing on the old black and white TV set in my head. There, the rabbit ears are adjusted. Now you can tune in....................

Picture the mythical average housewife of the time standing at the side of a white washing machine in what appears to her laundry room. A prop basket of dirty laundry rests near her feet. A box of soap powder sits on top of the washer. She is wearing her Stepford best: a full-skirted dress, a pert little apron, a tasteful set of clip-on earrings, a Mrs. Cleaver-styled strand of pearls, and to fuel her husband's fantasies, a pair of high-heeled stilettos. The sculptured hairdo framing her face has been permanantly cemented into place with "Eternal Hold Hairspray". The hair helmet does not move as the honest homemaker turns to face the camera.

It is with American "sell you something" sincerity that she speaks to us............

"I have always used Suds-0 to keep my family's clothes bright and clean....but I don't use Suds-0 anymore". Smiling as she touches the box of soap powder, she continues. "I switched to New, Improved Suds-0 77!"

"Suds-0's new, scientifically developed 77 formula, works better than ever at fighting dirt. My husband's shirts are brighter white and little Jimmy and Carl have the cleanest dungarees on the playground."

"I don't use Suds-0......but, I do use Suds-0 77! Buy some today for your laundry room arsenal!"

Let's turn off the black and white TV and return to the news reports mentioned in the opening paragraph. A hastily written "categorical denial" headlined the Pentagon-issued talking point. Frantic phone calls were made to Republican hawks and chickenhawks, alike. Several party loyalists appeared in living color, on the air, to voice the pre-written, agreed upon line....."We don't use Napalm."

Here is how that lone talking point would have played had it been delivered in vintage ad stye, in color, and expanded to include the truth..............

Picture the mythical people's representative, a senator, or a congressman standing before a microphone in what appears to be a government palace. A prop television reporter is functioning as a microphone holder because he does not plan to ask any follow-up questions. The legislator is wearing his Congressional best: an expensive dark suit, a white shirt, a very conservative solid colored tie, an American flag tie tack, and a pair of high-priced, spit shinned black shoes that he does not shine himself. His hair (what is left of it) is gentleman-gelled into a very bad comb-over; parted on one side and fannned out in single strands over the top of his flesh crowned dome. He steps up to the mike.

It is with American "sell you anything" sincerity that he speaks to us.........

"We have always used Napalm to keep our nation safe from Commies and insurgents.....but we don't use Napalm anymore". Smiling reassuringly at his national audience, he continues. "We switched to New, Improved Mark-77!"

"Scientists at Preempt and Rambo had conservation in mind when they developed our new incendiary formula. We are saving gas by using MK-77! It's chemical make-up includes kerosene-based jet fuel rather than the gasoline that was used in Napalm. MK-77 also contains an oxidizing agent which makes it more difficult to extinguish." MK-77, known as the modern Naplam, burns our enemies better, longer, and deader!"

"We don't use Napalm.......but we do use MK-77 500-pound firebombs! MK-77, a flash and burn plus to our "Shock and Awe" arsenal!"

Here, you can have the remote for now as long as you don't forget to tune in, same place, next time, for "NAPALM 101"......
..........Kitchen Window Woman..........